Wonderland
by Nokado
Summary: "I just miss someone who I care about. I miss you. I know that you are reading this. Don't throw it away like you did before. Let us enjoy our Wonderland."
1. First letter to you

A little thing from me to you as I see you like things like that.

Or at least I hope you do.

But anyway...

Obvious it came to me while listening to **C-Bool - Wonderland**.

I don't post who Ichigo is talking to. I don't feel the need to do so.

You can imagine it is Rukia.

Or Orihime.

Or anyone from Bleach.

Or someone from different series.

Or it can be someone you miss.

Or it can just be you missing someone but can't explain or express it.

Just enjoy and think about someone you care about while reading this.

About amazing moments you were enjoying.

Anything you want.

Just enjoy the things you think are too small or too funny to feel.

Enjoy every moment of your life.

Because it's special.

And you are too.

:-)

Good morning, good evening or good night as I do not know when you are going to read this. There are many things I want to tell you right now but we are too far away from each other, not like we wanted to be.

There are many things as I said. I will try to tell you what I think and want but words can not explain how much I miss you. It is like some part of my life, world, my heart went somewhere and could not come back. Sometimes I imagine us seeing, standing, staring at each other, like we were so close to each other I can not imagine anything else to say, anything better than just lame 'I missed you'.

But you are too far away to hear that small voice.

Being myself is sometimes hard as you know, I never thought of you leaving me or of you as something I owned. I just wanted to let you know that I care.

I care so much about you.

But you drove away that day.

I thought I was going to be insane by just being away from you.

I don't know why I said what I said.

Just want to be so close to you.

To touch you.

To really feel you.

Feel you around.

I hope you do not throw away it as the last one.

I miss you.


	2. Second letter to you (04-21 11:46:35)

I did not wanted to write it to you but I had a break down yesterday. Everyone at school and my work (it is not a good thing to do, I mean this type of job but I needed and still need some money) were screaming at me, kept saying how worthless I am.

How much of a failure I am.

How much of a failure as a man I am.

I could not take it anymore. Not like I was doing in the past. I know that events are past too but it does not matter.

It is really hard to live without you, you know?

I was hurting.

Really badly.

Nothing could stop the pain.

I still feel it.

I miss you.

I know I am a failure but realizing it was painful.

I finally realize why you left me. You needed someone special in your life. Someone who will let you do the things you want to do, not what you could or should do.

Someone who will let you fly like an angel you truly are.

I must say something to you. You do not have to do anything. I just have to say or write it.

I am crying as I write it.

You know when I cried last time, right? I know you know. The last time was when my mom died. I never cried since then.

But it is too much for me.

It all started when our problems started. I thought it was just a little fight like every couple has from time to time. It was not, you know that.

Then we could not help that.

And you left.

It was not that bad at first. I could go to all the places I wanted without asking you. I could do many things you did not wanted me to do.

But it was a bad thing to do.

Then after one of that things I came back home.

To the empty house.

My house.

There first night was horrible. I heard every sound, every vibe coming from the street.

Every scream.

Yes.

You are right.

My schizophrenia came back with full strength.

When I heard His voice it was horrible.

I was so afraid without you of myself.

Of things I could do without control.

He laughed at me when He realized I was alone and weak.

He is still laughing.

I know how it will sound but I am fine.

I am fine.

I am fine when you are. And I know you are.

Nothing else matters.

I do not know if you are going to read it, you never answered me, I do not know of you got any. I do not know if you moved, if you are in Japan still. I can not see myself.

You are so far away.

I never told you how my family reacted to us not being together anymore I suppose.

After that night with another episode, I decided to go home for a while. My dad was a little bit shocked when I showed at his doorstep. I was so shaken, scared and near to tears he was terrified. He thought something happened to you. Funny, right?

He always cared more about you than me.

When I told him the truth he was not surprised. He just got up and told me he had to stop helping me with everything, he thought I have to be strong enough as a man.

I was sad.

But as much as he wanted to let me go home, he told me to stay for a night and breakfast, my sisters did not see me in a while. He gave me some pills too to help me sleep and calm down. You know how medications work on me, it makes me sleepy and drowsy immediately or it do not work at all.

It worked this time.

When I woke up it was tvelve o'clock so the medication worked. I got up slowly and met my sisters.

Yuzu was as sweet as always. She had a longer hair but she did not change in any different way.

Karin changed more. She had longer hair too but she used makeup and grew up more than her sister. She was more mature. More like a woman than a girl.

We ate breakfast and had a little chat at the table. They told me how they were and it was good to come back to the old routine. But then my workmate called and I had to go.

So I left.

And the rest you know.

Sometimes I wonder how are you feeling while reading my letters. Are you angry at me? If so, I am so sorry, I do not what that. If it makes you that way, write me 'no'. I will stop writing then, no, I will not stop writing them but I will stop sending them every day to you.

Or the place I think you are in.

I am sorry. I am not sure what is going to happen next. If I am going to survive any longer, I will have to the therapy or hospital if it continues.

I wish you a good day or night. I still do not know.

Still loving you,

Ichigo.


End file.
